Friday, February 03, 2006


I face the wind;
Currents of time
That score my brow
With textured text;

Memories that run
Downstream toward falls
That plunge headlong
Into inkwells of darkness.

But with nib of sustenance,
And thoughts once fought,
I break the surface
Of blackness to light.

Where each stroke I take
Reduces life’s liquid
To a mist, as it changes
From text to thought.

And with my arms quiet,
Devoid of the motion
That once pushed at rivers,
I bathe in the now still wind.


Blogger Falter Ego said...

Hi there. Thanks for your thoughtful and encouraging comments left at my blog. I have added you to my favorites and will check back regularly.

I went back and read your 'coming out' entries on alcoholism. I found them interesting because they made me realize something I had forgotten about my blog...perhaps willfully...that I am completely anonymous as "Falter Ego".

I created this blog when my drug and alcohol abuse had reached a crescendo about 5 months ago and it began as a place for me to air out the nightmare I was putting myself through.

Now, it is obviously a place for me to reflect on everything I am feeling and learning as I finally cross over into a sober and mature adulthood.

I made it through another weekend sober, though is was certainly challenging at times. My longing for companionship and excitement is always going to be one of my most debilitating character defects.

I enjoyed this poem, although I must admit it is not my favorite form of expression. I interpret it as the thoughts of one who fought and struggled in support of a noble cause but has given up and now resigned to live life on life’s terms…

4:04 PM  
Blogger Lhombre said...

I am happy that you found the time to drop by. I wish you the best on the journey that you have chosen for yourself. You mention a couple of things that I would like to respond to. You characterized your need for companionship as one of your character defects. Companionship is a very human trait. We all need it. Perhaps what you are experiencing is a sense of isolation and loneliness because of the extreme change in focusing so much on the difficulties you are experiencing with your addictions. One of the most difficult things for me in early recovery was loneliness and isolation as well. I was quite a party animal and very restless, always seeking some kind of excitement. That passed as my life became more focused and I worked the steps. Being alone is a choice. I started by finally engaging a little at a time with some of the fellows in AA. I now have a very large family of friends who help support my addiction. You do not have to feel alone. For me, it was just a lot of wasted time sitting on the pity pot. When I finally got going things finally started to improve. I assume you have a sponsor. If not you should seek one out.

As to the poem reflecting giving up on some noble cause and resigning myself to life on life's terms I can only say that I still fight for the noble causes but the primary one is me! Recovery makes not only fighting the noble causes easier but allows me to recognize more clearly which one's are realistic and which one's are not; which one's are needed and which one's are not. I no longer take on the world and when things fail blame everything on the world and all the people in it not being able to understand my needs. That was a huge lesson for me. I don't feel as if I've "resigned" my self to life terms so much as that I have accepted my alcoholism and what it did to my life. And...what it is capable of doing if I don't keep working at staying sober. I am able to appreciate the things in my life today in ways that I never could before.

Again, I wish you the best. I think your right on as to using your blog as a way to enter another phase of your recovery. You will find, as I have, that there are many who you can reach out to and who will reach back. It also helps with not having to feel alone.

Lastly, one of the major things that I came to understand about alcoholism is that it is a disease of the body as well as a disease of the mind. I have been in talk therapy for some time now and it has helped tremendously. It's different for all of us. I am sure you will find best approach to your recovery. Good luck and feel free to drop by occasionally. I don't have a regular time that I post on alcoholism but when asked or if I see a valid reason for posting something I try to respond.

5:28 AM  
Blogger Brenda said...

I remember this poem from before the Titanic-disaster, when you accidentally deleted your blog and all your poetry. What I particularly like is that the language of our experience becomes inseparable from the experiences themselves, or that our languages (surely there are many semiotic systems) write us. The scored brow of textured text, or that image of the swimmer, where the water 'changes/From text to thought'- beautiful!

2:08 PM  
Blogger reader_iam said...


Just what I needed, just what I needed.

Thank you.

And I'm sorry our paths couldn't converge last week.

I do believe in all good time, though.

11:40 PM  
Blogger Jean said...

Vous êtes peintre , musicien et poète !!!
Mon rêve !
Toute ma vie j'ai baigné dans ces trois beautés , en amateur .
J'étais instituteur , mais l'enseignement de la peinture , de la musique et de la poésie étaient mes spécialités .
Van Gogh , J.S Bach et Verlaine ont rempli ma vie .
Vous avez beaucoup de chance d'avoir été professionnel de l'art !

11:53 PM  
Blogger Jean said...

You are a painter, musician and poet!!! My dream!
All my life I bathed in these three beauties, as an amateur. I was a teacher, but the teaching of painting, the music and poetry were my specialities.
Van Gogh, J.S Bach and Verlaine filled my life. You have much chance to have been professional of art

11:56 PM  
Blogger Jean said...

Je suis heureux que la photo "gelée " vous ai plu .
En effet la texture de l'écorce mise en relief par la gelée est étonnante .
Mais ce n'était pas mon objectif premier .
La force de cette texture est pour moi le prétexte à montrer la PRESENCE de l'arbre , de l'objet utilisé comme sujet , quel que soit cet objet .
Les objets ne sont pas que des choses , des images formant un décors auquel nous ne donnons pas d'importance .
Ma photo aurait été abstraite , pour moi , cela aurait été pareil .
C'est comme en musique .
Beaucoup de personnes , quand elles écoutent de la musique , cherchent à mettre des images sur cette musique , s'inventent une petite histoire .
Quand j'écoute Bach, Mozart ou Monteverdi ,c'est comme si c'était abstrait .
Ajouter une image , c'est ajouter une erreur non voulue par le compositeur .
Quand je photographie , l'objet n'est qu'un prétexte pour atteindre la BEAUTE , la PRESENCE , la FORCE qui se cache derrière L'APPARENCE .

L'ABSTRAIT qui se cache derrière du figuratif .

I am happy that the photo "frost" liked to you.
Indeed the texture of the bark highlighted by the frost is astonishing. But it was not my objective first.
The force of this texture is for me the pretext to show the PRESENCE of the tree, of the object used like subject, whatever this object. The objects are not only things, images forming decorations to which we do not give importance. My photograph would have been abstracted, for me, that would have been similar.
It is as in music.
Many people, when they listen to music, seek to put images on this music, invent a small history.
When I listen to Bach, Mozart or Monteverdi, it is as if it were abstract. To add an image, it is to add an error nondesired by the type-setter.
When I photograph, the object is only one pretext to reach the BEAUTY, the PRESENCE, the FORCE which hides behind APPEARANCE.
The ABSTRACT which hides the figurative one behind.

12:16 AM  

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